Simple Words
by mtm
Summary: My take on what happened after the ending in "Fugue in Red"


**A****/****N****: **My take on the end scene in "Fugue in Red".

* * *

><p><strong>Simple words<strong>

It wasn't silent.

He could hear the branches of the tree rapping against the window in the evening wind. He could hear his own heartbeat pounding away in his ears and Lisbon's soft breathing coming from down the corridor. And he was assaulted by the laughter of a young girl, the gentle voice of a woman and he didn't mind as it brought a smile to his face and warmed his scarred heart. But then he heard the screaming, the wailing of his own mind that he now remembered had once already rendered him catatonic, but which he had learned to suppress to a whisper.

It wasn't dark.

The light from the window descended on the bloody smiley face on the wall and the lonely mattress on the floor. The sight of the red face was burned into his retina, in his amnesia it had only been clouded, but now it was back in full force, filling his field of vision threatening to drown him. He struggled to push the sight back into the edges of his vision where he had managed to keep it during the years.

He wasn't numb.

The flooding memories brought a searing pain, a heaviness in his chest, an overwhelming sensation of drowning in sticky blood. He struggled to breath as he fought for control over the pain. After a struggle that went on for a lifetime, but lasted only a minute, he had dampened down the pain to a constant dull ache, which was as familiar to him as his own face.

He clenched his fist and physically staggered as he shut down part of himself in order to stay functional. He felt guilty as he always did that he couldn't face his family, couldn't remember them fully in the broad daylight as they should be remembered. He screwed his eyes shut to prevent the tears from falling, dug his nails into his palms to transfer the emotional pain into physical pain and he bowed his head in defeat.

He was once again forcefully reminded of the failure he was and he could only embrace it.

XXX

Lisbon watched from the shadows as Jane regained his full memories and struggled with control. She watched him lose the fight and surrender to the memories and the pain and anguish that came with it. She watched as he clenched his fists, bowed his head and heavily leaned against the door frame.

"Enough is enough," Lisbon thought to herself. Coming back to Jane's house had been necessary to bring back the Jane they all knew and cared about, but there was no reason to torture the poor man.

She moved slowly towards Jane's defeated form in the shadows and came to a standstill behind him. From this close she could see the shaking of Jane's shoulders and hear the soft sobs escaping from his throat and her heart shattered. Life wasn't fair. This man had gone through a terrible tragedy already once, why did he have to go through it again? At least this time she could try to offer her help and support although she doubted that he would be willing to accept any as he was still hell bent in punishing himself.

Well, this time she wasn't going to give him an option. Seeing him like this steeled her resolve to lessen his burden whatever way she could and he could protest all he wanted. There was a faint voice in the back of her head asking just how far would she be willing to go, but Lisbon stubbornly ignored it.

XXX

He was trying to catch his breath in the aftermath of the emotional storm and struggled to keep everything under control. He wasn't sure if he was strong enough to keep everything contained and despair started creeping in. Maybe it was time to let everything overwhelm him so that he would live in the hell that he deserved.

As he struggled with himself, he suddenly became aware of a small, warm hand covering his tightly clenched fist and gently prising it open to be able to hold his hand. In his shock he didn't struggle, instead he let Lisbon do as she pleased as of course it was Lisbon who once again would come to his rescue. He was so tired that he accepted what Lisbon had to offer, he didn't even the have energy to feel guilty.

While he was holding onto the small hand like it was his lifeline, he became aware of Lisbon's other hand rubbing his back, first hesitantly but when he didn't object, more firmly and finally sneaking the arm around him so that she was leaning against his arm and at the same time half hugging him while still holding onto his hand.

Jane felt that she was the only thing holding him together, the only reason why he didn't break into thousand pieces and be scattered by the wind.

XXX

To her relief Jane seemed to welcome her presence and after she had sneaked her arm around his waist and rested her head against Jane's shoulder, his shaking seemed to lessen. She could feel the hot tears falling on their joint hands, but as she knew how Jane cherished his privacy, she stayed where she was, slightly behind him, leaning against his side and letting him cry in peace. It broke her heart to do it, but she knew that if she pushed him too much too soon, he would close up and leave her again banging her head against his high walls.

Lisbon became aware that Jane's shoulders weren't shaking anymore and she hadn't felt his tears for some time. He was still holding onto her hand and had managed to get his breathing under control.

"Let's go," Lisbon said quietly and let go of him except his hand and to her surprise Jane meekly followed as she led the way back to her car.

Lisbon opened the door to the passenger side and helped Jane in. As she was trying to close the door and let go of Jane's hand, he seemed to become aware of his surroundings. He held onto Lisbon's hand and tried to communicate with his panic filled red rimmed eyes.

"I'm just going to go to the drivers side," Lisbon softly murmured as she reached out to stroke his hand. Jane was having none of it and in the end Lisbon thought it was easier just to climb over him to the drivers seat.

She climbed up under Jane's watchful eyes. She was awkwardly standing between Jane's legs trying to close the door and praying that nobody would see them and call a police when Jane let go of her hand, moving both of his large hands to circle her waist and pulled her down into his lap.

Lisbon let out a small yelp and found herself staring into Jane's familiar eyes, which were now uncharacteristically unguarded and amongst the fatigue and pain she saw gratitude and tenderness. Then she was tightly wrapped in Jane's arms, his curls tickling her nose until she stroked his hair back out of her face and held onto him as tightly.

XXX

Jane felt like he was walking in a fog and was more than happy to let Lisbon take the lead as he trusted her with his life. Once he was sitting in the car and Lisbon was about to let go of his hands, he panicked and didn't want to let go. After some struggling Lisbon gave up and climbed up, clearly in an effort to climb over him to get to the drivers seat. As she was standing in front of him, crouched in the cramped space, the unmistakable scent of Lisbon wafted into his nose and he couldn't fight anymore. He let go of her hand and promptly put his hands around her waist and pulled her to himself. Lisbon's yelp brought a ghost of a smile to his face, but he immediately burrowed his face against her neck.

After a small pause, Lisbon surprised Jane by not telling him off and trying to struggle free, but instead stroked his hair and tightly held him. They stayed in the embrace until Lisbon said very matter of fact, "My leg is getting a cramp" and Jane reluctantly let her go. Before Lisbon was ready to drive away, Jane rested his hand on hers on the wheel getting her full attention.

"Thank you," Jane whispered with a gruff voice. Lisbon nodded without words and pulled out.

XXX

Lisbon couldn't respond to Jane as she was struggling with tears. Her heartbreak wasn't what Jane needed and for once he seemed obvious to her inner struggle for which she was grateful. The way Jane had hugged her was uncomplicated in his need to feel another human being, to anchor himself to somebody and Lisbon was more than happy to be his anchor. It did tell volumes about Jane's mental state that he reached out as he wasn't one known for his affinity for human touch.

Jane seemed to fall into his own thoughts and seemed unaware of his surroundings. Lisbon drove through the darkness and the silence to her own apartment as she was determined not to let Jane out of sight until he was better.

Lisbon parked on the street and helped Jane out, who was now subdued and looked dazed. Lisbon locked the car, guided Jane to her door, fished her keys out of her pocket one-handedly as Jane was still holding her hand tightly, opened the door and pulled Jane gently in after her. She locked the door while Jane stood quietly behind her.

"Do you want something to eat?" Lisbon asked and was relieved when Jane shook his head. She didn't have any appetite and was so exhausted that she was ready to drop where she stood.

"I will make the sofa ready for you," Lisbon explained as she opened the cupboard door and reached for the blankets. A hand landed on her arm stopping her. When she looked up questioningly, Jane shook his head looking slightly sheepish.

"Can I stay with you?" he asked hesitantly. Lisbon could only nod wordlessly. If Jane was asking to stay with her, it must mean that he was still shell shocked and she would do anything he asked.

Lisbon guided Jane up the stairs to her bedroom and tiredly kicked off her shoes. Jane let go of her hand, which allowed her to shrug out of her jacket. When she turned around to face Jane, he was standing still in the dark room, a vacant look in his eyes seemingly unaware of his surroundings once more. Lisbon sighed but she was so tired that she just needed sleep so without hesitation she stepped in front of Jane and put her hands on his shoulders.

XXX

Jane asked without thinking if he could stay with Lisbon and felt something warm spread in his chest when Lisbon agreed without a fight. A small voice resounded in his head telling him how bad he must look if Lisbon is feeling so sorry for him but he ignored the voice. He needed her and he didn't have the strength to fight against his selfish need.

When Lisbon led him to her bedroom, he froze. He couldn't believe how Lisbon could trust him this much that she would let him enter her bedroom, let alone sleep in the same bed. He was so conflicted that he didn't even notice Lisbon in front of him until she touched him.

When he looked down into her brilliant green eyes that were clouded with exhaustion, he vowed to do anything she asked. When she started removing his jacket, he could only stand very still as not to startle her.

XXX

Jane seemed to surface wherever he had been and stood very still looking down at her.

"You can't sleep fully clothed," Lisbon whispered and couldn't stop the faint blush to her cheeks as she removed Jane's jacket and folded it placing it on a chair. She gently removed his vest and unbuttoned his dress shirt before unbuttoning the cuffs. Jane was wearing a t-shirt underneath enabling Lisbon to keep her mind out of the gutter most of the time and she was so tired anyway that she was barely functional. Jane luckily stayed very still, but Lisbon could feel his eyes on her as well as she could hear his soft breathing, which occasionally stopped when she inadvertently touched his chest or when she helped him out of his shirt.

When she put her hands on his belt, intent on removing his trousers Jane seemed to wake up and gently covered her hands.

"I can take care of this," he hoarsely whispered while still holding her hands under his. Lisbon nodded tiredly and took one step back to give him space and to remove her own clothing. She saw Jane sitting on the bed, slowly and tiredly removing his shoes and socks and crawling under the duvet wearing his t-shirt and boxers. Lisbon undressed to her vest and panties and slipped under the duvet, her head heavy and sleepy.

XXX

When Lisbon undressed him, he needed to use all his willpower to stay still. He couldn't always regulate his breathing but although he could see the blush on Lisbon's cheeks she didn't seem to be aware of his struggle, for which he was thankful.

When Lisbon's hands reached his belt, he couldn't take it anymore and hoarsely declared himself able to take it from there. Luckily Lisbon didn't argue but turned away to undress herself. The fact that she was uncaringly undressing in front of him told him how exhausted she must be and he felt a stab of guilt. He tried to give her some privacy and tried not to stare at her, but slipped immediately under the covers when he was down to his t-shirt and boxers. Soon after Lisbon settled next to him.

XXX

Lisbon felt the heavy lure of sleep the minute she put her head down on the pillow. When she was slipping off to sleep she felt Jane moving next to her, coming slowly closer as if giving her the opportunity to stop him. His warm hand brushed against her cheek and she could hear a whispered "Thank you". The hand started withdrawing but Lisbon grabbed it, pulled it around herself as she shifted onto her side forcing Jane to spoon her.

"You are welcome," Lisbon mumbled sleepily and before falling asleep she felt Jane relaxing and nuzzling her neck, which made her fall asleep with a smile on her face.

XXX

When Lisbon wrapped his arm around herself, she almost gave him a heart attack. He felt his affection spreading with warmth in his chest and amongst all the conflicting emotions he decided to latch onto that warmth. He finally relaxed and without thought nuzzled Lisbon's neck inhaling her scent before going still with a shock, but Lisbon had already fallen asleep. Jane snuggled carefully closer and soon fell asleep.

XXX

When Lisbon woke up, the sunlight was streaming through the window and the bed was empty. Jane's clothes were also gone and the house was silent.

Lisbon flopped back against the pillow with burning tears behind her closed eyelids. She should have known that Jane would withdraw and close up. Well, maybe last night had given him some degree of comfort. Lisbon turned onto her side trying to control the various emotions and to try to force them back to their usual hiding place. When she saw her night table, she froze.

On top of a piece of white paper there was one single red rose.

Even Lisbon knew what red roses usually signified and Jane certainly did. She reached out for the note, almost feeling sick with all the butterflies in her stomach.

She read the note and smiled. She put it back on the table, smelled the lovely rose, put it back on top of the note and rested back against her pillow closing her eyes and fell into a very pleasant dream.

Under the rose the simple words on the white paper were still visible.

"Thank you".

**The end**


End file.
